If you're already feeling exhausted just thinking about the holidays ahead, take a deep breath. The truth is, holiday stress is incredibly common—and it often starts much earlier than we expect.
You know that feeling when October ends and suddenly your mind starts racing with holiday to-do lists? You're not imagining it. A survey by Total Brain found that 27% of U.S. parents with children begin feeling stressed about the holidays as early as November. That's more than 1 in 4 families feeling overwhelmed before they've even pulled out the decorations.
The good news? Holiday parenting burnout is a sign that you care deeply about your children's happiness and well-being. The challenge? Stress can negatively impact children's enjoyment of the holidays.
Your children's most treasured holiday memories probably aren't the ones you're stressing about. The most magical holiday moments often happen when you're not trying to create them. They happen during the quiet times, the spontaneous moments, and the times when plans fall apart and you laugh together instead.
Instead of assuming what your children want, try asking them. Simple questions like "What did you like best about last year?" or "What are you most excited about?" can be eye-opening. You might discover that your elaborate plans matter less to them than you think.
Household finances can be a significant source of holiday stress. Between gifts, special meals, dress-up or “theme days” at school, and various activities, the costs add up quickly. The pressure to buy the "right" gifts or host the "perfect" celebration can make anyone feel overwhelmed. But remember, your children won't remember the price tags. They'll remember feeling loved and included.
Holiday burnout shares many characteristics with general parental burnout. Here's how you can recognize if holiday stress has crossed into burnout territory:
You're exhausted before the day even starts. This isn't just regular tiredness. It's what researchers call "intense exhaustion" related to your parenting role. The thought of holiday preparations feels overwhelming.
You're going through the motions. You're handling the logistics of buying gifts and attending events, but you're not emotionally present. You might be emotionally distancing yourself as a form of self-preservation.
Holiday activities feel like chores. Things that used to bring you joy, like decorating, baking, or gift-giving, now feel like items on an endless to-do list. You may feel tired of the constant demands of the season.
Small things trigger big reactions. Your child asking, "Is it Christmas yet?" for the hundredth time makes you want to scream. You're more irritable and snappier than usual.
You might also feel guilty about not being "festive enough." The pressures of the holiday season can create additional stress and shame when you're not feeling as joyful as you think you should.
While holiday burnout is real, it can also be prevented and managed. Here are some practical strategies that can help you reclaim your holiday joy:
Start with the basics: sleep and self-care. This might sound obvious, but it's crucial. When you're well-rested, everything else becomes easier to manage. Try to maintain consistent bedtimes for both you and your children, even during the holiday chaos.
Make a holiday reality checklist. Write down everything you feel you "should" do this holiday season. Then, honestly ask yourself: Which of these things are truly important to your family? Which are driven by other people’s expectations or social media pressure? Focus your energy on what genuinely matters and let go of the rest.
Space out your decisions. Making too many decisions back-to-back can make you feel drained. Instead of trying to plan everything at once, tackle one holiday decision at a time. Give yourself permission to say, "I'll think about that tomorrow."
Ask for help and accept it. Many people want to help during the holidays but don't know how. Be specific in your requests: "Could you bring a side dish to dinner?" or "Would you mind picking up my kids from school on Tuesday?" When someone offers help, try to accept it gracefully, even if they don't do things exactly your way.
Create a "good enough" mindset. Holiday cookies that look perfect for social media? Not necessary. A slightly lopsided tree? It has character. Mismatched pajamas in the family photo? It's authentic. Your children will remember the love and laughter, not the imperfections.
It’s also okay to give yourself permission to say no. You don't have to attend every party, participate in every school event, or maintain every tradition. It's okay to choose the activities that bring your family joy and politely decline the rest. Your family's well-being is more important than anyone's expectations.
Focus on connection over perfection and take a moment to think about what the holidays really mean to your family. When you're stressed and overwhelmed, it can be difficult to be present, engaged, and emotionally available for your family. Consider these simple but meaningful alternatives:
Read holiday stories together under blankets with hot chocolate.
Take evening walks to look at neighborhood decorations.
Have a family movie night with homemade popcorn.
Bake simple cookies and let kids decorate them however they want (yes, even if they use way too much frosting).
Create handmade gifts or cards together.
Start a gratitude practice where everyone shares what they're thankful for.
When your holiday activities align with your core family values, they might feel more meaningful and less like a burden.
The holidays don't have to be perfect to be wonderful, and your children are lucky to have a parent who cares enough to want to make the holidays special for them. Try to be the parent who can laugh when things go wrong, who can be present for the small moments, and who models how to handle stress in healthy ways. When you take steps to manage your own stress and prevent burnout, you're giving them a gift that's more valuable than anything under a tree.
